This is dedicated to my man who inspired this post (and me, everyday).
Being in a relationship a meaningful truthful adult relationship is about compromise. Compromising is one of the most difficult things that any single person wants to deal with in the beginning because you were so used to doing things your way, what you do for fun, what you eat, your workout schedule, everything is based on you. When we decide to actually involve yourself into a relationship, you have to come to an agreement with the other to something that you both are ok with. A lot of the times, this happens for some areas and it works out fairly well, but sometimes this is never achieved and it leaves one person or both feeling animosity or resentment. I admit in the beginning of my relationship I felt both because I was mad at him for not bending to my ways, or when I did and I didn’t feel it was appreciated, I resented myself for doing it. The point is you can’t go into a relationship guns blazing thinking “I’m doing everything my way or its over”. You will never truly gain the trust, respect, and appreciation of your partner if that is your mentality. When I was younger, I used to think compromise was because one partner was dominant and the other submissive, and traditionally we would like to think that each person should fall into that category. But my current relationship has taught me that both people need to play both the roles, just at different times. Being able to compromise means “I love you enough, trust you enough, and care for our relationship enough to change this” .
Now, where hobbies are concerned, they’re should be a healthy amount of compromise from both parties. For instance, my bf is a huge gamer (not the casual “I play Madden sometimes” gamer, a true “10 hours til Final Fantasy starts” kind of gamer). As a sister of avid video game players, and having my fair share of my favs I didn’t mind it. But as we moved in together, I realized he really really, REALLY loved playing video games. So he is a gaming geek, ok. But sometimes it did get in the way of quality time, time which I felt was lacking in our relationship. It got too out of hand, I had to tell him about his ways. By the same token, he found out that I loved beauty products, really loved beauty products, and shopping and getting my nails done on a bi-weekly basis. He found out the meaning of the words “Beauty GURU” via my activity on YouTube. He discovered that I had BOXES of makeup, makeup brushes, hair tools, and hair products. He found out there is such a store called ULTA, SEPHORA, and MAC. He found out that I followed the latest news of launches of aforementioned products, and attended preview parties. We give ourselves the space to enjoy these things separately and together because we both know that is what we enjoy and we all know happy wife happy life ahaha, but seriously if you cannot enjoy the things you love with your partner or have the support of your partner, then what the hell do you have? Another important thing to know is when not to compromise (such as values, morals, and perhaps not healthy habits i.e. smoking, drug or alcoholism) all too often women in particular go along with what her man does and either condones and or does not mention to him if it bothers her. You have to know when to draw the line. If there is something that your partner is doing that you are not comfortable with, you must be able to communicate and let them know that it bothers you.
Which leads me to my next point, COMMUNICATION!
Communication is the key to any successful relationship. This too is also hard because you are so used to not having to explain yourself. Your friends know you, your family knows you, so why should I explain to my partner? Because there could be things that he/she may not understand about you, your fears, your needs, your dreams, your triggers. Now none of this can be communicated until you know those things. You have to have an understanding of yourself in order to be able to communicate it to others. This is why getting into committed relationships soon doesn’t work out because along the way you might have to deal with something you might not be ready to deal with about yourself and if you don’t know, you won’t be able to tell others. This could be found out along the road with your partner, and usually that helps to bring you two together, but it might also lead to fights, because you may not be sure of what you want. in addition, if you are not ready to have such conversations with your partner, perhaps you should move slower or just end it.
I know what you’re thinking: easier said than done, right? Well, I am not a relationship expert but I know that these two things have helped my relationship grow stronger and has made me appreciate my boyfriend so much more. Relationships are hard, and they require work. If you are not ready to go through that, then don’t get involved. But when you do work at it and practice communication and compromise, it gets easier, less stressful, and allows you to enjoy yourself and your partner.
Until next time!